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Thinking - 1370°C

Oct. 9th, 2006

12:04 pm - Thinking

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I wonder. Do you all live secret little lives that you don't tell your loved ones about? Do you all hide things--deliberately or not--from those you love?

Save one small time in my life, i've never been like this. I'm more likely to tell my partner in exhausting detail about my day and the conversations i've had and the thoughts that have passed through my mind than to keep things to myself, even if i never tell anyone else.

So, in the vague style of zevhonith, i open this quite specific confessions post. What thoughts, conversations, or actions are you hiding from your boyfriend/girlfriend and why? If you're unattached, what are you hiding from whomever you're closest to and why?

Anonymous logging off for this in just a moment.

Comments:

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From:eclypsia
Date:October 9th, 2006 06:07 pm (UTC)
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I don't really think I hide anything from David.

However, my big "secret life" is that I have not told my mother that I run Burlesque Noir. It pretty much makes up a big chunk of my life and I have not told her. I still wonder why. Or what I am ashamed of. I think I am afraid that my mom wouldn't understand it or make me feel bad for it because she wouldn't understand what it is.
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From:zevhonith
Date:October 9th, 2006 06:17 pm (UTC)
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The things I hide are things that bother me; I hide them because I think they're too silly to be bothered by, and not worth bringing up and creating a big deal out of.

Without exception they fester and rot until they become a big deal; once brought up and out into the open, they become silly and trivial again, and I instantly stop worrying about them.

Being smart enough to notice this pattern, I've gotten much better about gauging whether or not something needs to be talked about - if I'm still thinking about it after a couple days, it definitely needs to be brought up, so I will.

Otherwise, I'm like you. I talk about everything not because I think I have to, but because it seems like the natural thing to do. Whatever happened to me, what I've been thinking about, something funny I saw, whatever. It all gets out in the course of a given evening. :) It's not a policy, really, it's just the way I like to be. I don't necessarily expect the same from my partner.
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From:zevhonith
Date:October 9th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
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and am often a little bit hurt when i find out about something (however trivial), and my S.O. says "oh, i didn't mention that to you before because [it didn't come up | i didn't think you'd care | it was so minor | etc.]"

Yeah, I've managed to restrict that reaction to big things, which is good - I understand most people don't stream-of-consciousness their day. :P And I think my S.O. has now learned that I'm interested in pretty much everything.

I concur, with that last paragraph - that's what makes partners, not just lovers. It's knowing all the minutae.
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From:ickle_tayto
Date:October 9th, 2006 06:26 pm (UTC)
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having not had someone to hide things from in a while I can't remember. but I probably do.. subconsciously..
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From:elijahdprophet
Date:October 9th, 2006 07:12 pm (UTC)
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If anything I think I tend to overshare. I spent a long time not telling anyone anything about myself, now I think I tend to go on and on.

It is either overcompensation or some kind of brain disease.
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From:imbrium8
Date:October 9th, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC)
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Aww, you don't overshare, you goober. I like listening to you talk about stuff, even if it is a discussion of some computer-related thing that goes right over my head.
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From:rainswolf
Date:October 9th, 2006 07:22 pm (UTC)
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Well, I certainly hide many thoughts. I am often not interested in talking about things that I don't want to think about-- like a bad day at work-- or things that I am embarrassed about-- like fear that I'll flunk an essay I'm writing. Also, I don't always talk about crushes because that could get into hurtful territory. Finally, I have all sorts of odd fantasies I don't share because they're just odd or irrelevant.
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From:suzy_hendrix
Date:October 9th, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC)
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There's a longer comment waiting for later. But for now, here's this (yeah, this is the short version):

My parents don't know a couple of obvious things. I stopped hiding the fact that I lost my virginity, but they still don't know I've been with women, performed with a burlesque troupe or how many partners I've had.

I used to be overly open (I think) because I didn't want any secrets. When I moved to Virginia I did a complete 180 and tried to hide my past and most of myself, thinking my mistakes were because of who I was and not just something that happens when you're young. This left me frustrated and depressed and I realized that I don't have to choose one of two extremes. Little by little I've let my friends know things about me but I rarely open up to classmates. My family still knows practically nothing.

Most of the things that I still hide are things that I'm ashamed of for stupid reasons. I do my best to hide my insecurities about my weight, what I look like, or my financial situation. I'm still pretty private about my sex life half because it's nobody's business, half because I'm still not sure how I feel about it myself.

I never hide things from boyfriends. Once it gets serious, I turn super honest and tell them everything. So far as I know, it hasn't really backfired. The three big ones have kept it all to themselves, as far as I know.
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From:catness
Date:October 9th, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
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My sweetie and I live an ocean apart, and we have what people like to call a "polyamorous" relationship. (I don't call it that, but that's a huge digression.)

With one exception, I never tell my sweetie if I don't like his other girls/dates/SOs. (It's not like he couldn't drag it out of me, but if I'm not going to say "don't go out with that person" then I think it behooves me to shut the hell up unless it's important enough to nix entirely.)
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From:sinaesthesia
Date:October 9th, 2006 08:34 pm (UTC)
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In my world, the word 'hiding' implies that not telling someone something is purposeful. However, for me, I don't intentionally not tell anyone things-with two exceptions-it's something people just don't need to know and/or it's something told to me in confidence.

I'm not a talkative person many times, so unless what I have to say is relevant to the conversation, I don't say it. If I am in a conversation where I have input, I rarely hide anything. I'm not ashamed of my past or my opinions (even when they are really, really off), so I have no problem telling things to people, though sometimes that probably makes them uncomfortable.

As for friends and partners, I'm guilty of the 'it was minor' mentality. It's not that I don't think they should know, I just don't think some things are important. I don't talk about them unless they add to the conversation or a story I'm telling. Sometimes I don't even remember certain things happened until they are relevant to a conversation I'm having with someone.

On to the exceptions. I think the second exception speaks for itself. As for the first exception: sometimes people just don't need to know. For example, let's say I'm at a party, and person A, who has no influence on Person B's life, says something somewhat mean in passing about Person B. If person B is my friend, I'll ask them not to speak badly about my friend in my presence, but I won't tell Person B what was said. All it would do is hurt Person B's feelings and possibly cause a bunch of drama.
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From:nodis
Date:October 19th, 2006 10:28 am (UTC)
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It just depends on the way you tell those things ...
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From:gothaminserenia
Date:October 11th, 2006 06:35 am (UTC)
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Do you all live secret little lives that you don't tell your loved ones about? Do you all hide things--deliberately or not--from those you love?

Of course. I think you need to save a little of you for you. Because being excessively trusting can leave you vulnerable.

Well, I've made sure my parents don't know too much about me outside of work & family events. They don't know that I hang out regularly in the goth scene. They certainly don't know I've been smoking for ten years. They don't even know I'm an atheist (although they might have some inkling of this given all the church services I've avoided these past years). But relations with family are based heavily on their "expectations" of you, while friendship is based more on commonality of interests & views.

So generally speaking, I tend to be more trusting of my friends ... each in certain aspects ... as I slowly get to know them better. But that usually takes a few years. I'm notoriously antisocial as it is, and ex-girlfriends have even told me I'm "hard to get to know". This livejournal is probably the most social thing I've ever done ... and often I still sweat the next day after making a post ("I can't believe I told people that").
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From:synthpop_girl
Date:October 18th, 2006 12:07 am (UTC)
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I'm hiding my engagement from my parents and practically all my oldest friends. The reason I hide it from my family is not because of how long we've been together because they got married after only 6 months but because I feel they'll know too much about me. If I tell my oldest friends they'll give me the look of "synthpop_girl is doing something crazy again and I'll have to put up with that look till we're married for a while.

My parents don't know anything about my life really and most of the people in Dublin barely know anything either. My current hermit lifestyle suites me quite well lately while I try to cope with a lot of things. I only update on LJ anymore because I feel I should, not because I want to
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